A Tool-belt for my Gay and Lesbian friends to help them defend themselves from the Homophobic Bible-Thumpers

It is very painful for me to hear, over and over again, how Christians in the name of God and the Bible will doom my gay and lesbian brothers and sisters to judgement. The Bible-Thumper's assessment is not only archaic and non scientific but will ultimately be judged so by history. In addition, the Bible-Thumpers' ideas are not even based in good biblical interpretation. The purpose of this post is to equip my gay and lesbian friends and their allies to defend themselves from all the Bible-Thumpers who throw the "book" in order to persecute. And, I do hope that after any of my gay and lesbian friends read this post they will never again concede that the Bible and/or God is against them.

They say to you - in the book of Genesis, God judged and destroyed the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah because of homosexual activity. Thus, God will judge all homosexuals.

You say to them - have you ever read the actual story in Genesis? It's not about consensual sex between same sex adults at all. Go read it. It is one strange story. The men of the town are trying to rape angelic beings. And to prevent that from happening, Lot offers his young virgin daughters to them instead. Really? And you're gonna use that strange story to condemn gay people?

My commentary - it's from this story the terms "sodomy" and "sodomite" evolved which even make there way into civil laws. I know some of you are really cute and all, but I don't think any of you are cute to the point the you can be called angelic. And, I doubt any of you have offered your virgin daughters up to a man's mob. So it appears to me that this story does not really relate to my gay and lesbian friends at all.

They say to you - in Leviticus it says homosexuality is an abomination.

You say to them - and so is eating shrimp, and eating pork, and touching dead people, even touching a pig, women on their periods that remain in the city limits, rebellious children; we could go on and on. Most Christian theologies teach that these laws have been replaced by Christ's new law of love. And most will use the story of St. Peter's vision of the sheet being lowered from heaven with images of all things "unclean" according to the Levitical Law on it, and God saying to Peter, "get up, kill and eat". This is used by a huge majority of Christians to free themselves from the Levitical Laws except for one exception - gays and lesbians. I'm sorry but that's bullshit.

My commentary - one of my biggest gripes with a lot of Christians is what I call "selective literalism". They can eat shrimp and play football because that is no longer to be taken literal. But you being "gay" and an "abomination" is to be taken literal. MoFos can't have it both ways, just sayin'.

They say to you - St. Paul says that homosexuals will not inherit the Kingdom of God.

You say to them - St. Paul never said nor wrote such a thing because the term homosexual did not even exists when St. Paul was alive. The word "homosexual" was first placed in the Bible by translators in the last Middle Ages more than a thousand years after St. Paul lived. The Greek word that was used in the epistles, most scholars agree, refers to a heterosexual men that would rape and use young boys for sexual sport.

My commentary - if there are any heterosexual men out there raping young boys and I find out about it, I will report you to the authorities and you will go to jail. You will not pass go, and you will not collect two hundred dollars. Also, I doubt you will inherit the Kingdom of God.

You say to them - that is really all that the Bible has to say about homosexuality. It's a very weak argument. There's mush more written about God's judgement against judgmental bastards with haughty eyes than against gay people. And add to that, Jesus never uttered a word about it.

They say to you - but it's not "natural".

You say to them - that you believe in science - and according to science eight to ten percent of the human population is homosexual and it has always been the case. In addition, homosexuality has been documented in almost fifteen hundred other animal species. So, according to "nature" it is "natural".

My commentary - I will tell you what's not natural: fake blondes, televangelists with no gray hair, and Cheez Whiz. And the most unnatural thing of all is a gay person being forced by religion or society to be with a gender to which they are not attracted.

Love to all my wonderful gay and lesbian brothers and sisters. Hold you heads up high, walk with dignity, and remember that you were carefully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139).

Time To Press The Reset Button

At this point in human history it appears that many of our structures and institutions are breaking down. We stand with one foot in the modern era and one foot in a post-modern era. It's a challenging time because we are still connected to and dependent on the old structures. All the while, they really no longer serve us. The rich are getting richer, the poor are getting poorer. Washington is in grid-lock as the ends of the political spectrum continue to move farther and farther apart. The church becomes less relevant to the larger culture with each passing day. It seems it's time for someone to press the reset button.

I know my dream could never happen, but I have two simple (fantasy) suggestions that would change the world really fast. First, let the Nuns of the church elect the next Pope and let them choose whomever they desire - male or female, catholic or non-catholic, gay or straight - their call. Second, in the next several political election cycles, let the registered Republicans vote to choose the Democratic candidates and the registered Democrats vote to choose the Republican candidates. I know it sounds crazy, and no I'm not high, but I think we would find ourselves in a very different world very quickly.

But seriously, I'm aware my fantasy will not happen. However, we do need to let go of our attachments and addictions to the past and open our minds and hearts to new paths. Because at some point in the future someone is gonna press the reset button.

"Do not remember the former things,or consider the things of old. I am about to do a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?"
... Isaiah 43

Reflections On Confessions: Stepping Up To The Plate

Thursday's post, "Real Marriage" was viewed by more people than any other post since I started the confessions page back in October. In just two days "Real Marriage" has already passed the previous most popular post, "Death Bed Conversion" by several hundred views and continues to grow. Thank you all who read, like, share, and comment - I am very grateful to you all.

When I started confessions, I made several commitments to myself about the page. First, that I would not hold back - I would say my thoughts without fear of what it could cost me. After living through highly stressful situations and crossing the big 50 in years, I really have no desire to hide or play politics. Life is too short not to speak honestly. The second commitment I made to myself was that I would not get into arguments on the page. I knew I would get dissent and I would be open for attacks - but again life is short and I have no time to waste auguring. I hope my posts stand on their own. They are offered not as absolute truth but simply my honest reflections. I have no expectation that any of you will fully accept my thoughts. Regardless if you are a conservative Christian, liberal Christian, practitioner of another religious tradition, agnostic, or an atheist - I at least hope that my posts cause you to think and reflect, which is an important part of any journey or path. One of the major sins of contemporary culture is that folk tend to only read or listen to people they agree with and then demonize people with whom they disagree. This is not healthy and has resulted in a dumbing down of the church and the culture as a whole. All are welcome here. I honor your path, your wisdom, your humanness. I do ask however that no one be demonized just because they have differing opinions. I also ask that no one judge the quality of my Christianity, my love of God and Jesus, my appreciation of the Bible, and please don't damn me to Hell just because I have a different opinion than you.

Looking at the comments and likes from Thursday's post I have the following thoughts. (due to differing privacy settings, I, nor you, can see all the likes, comments, and shares - Facebook does provide reports that provide a count of total reach, likes, comments, and shares).

- I am worried about the future of the church due to the silence of fellow members of the clergy. It's an almost everyday occurrence that a clergy person will talk to me about something on the confessions page yet they feel that they can not like, comment, or share without getting in trouble. Regardless if it's their religious structures holding too tight on the reins of the clergy or the clergy lacking in courage, the world needs some folk to step up to the plate. Christ's vision of a world of justice, love, and peace (The Kingdom) needs you. Fear not. Prophesy. The world has had enough little sermons with three points and a poem. The world needs prophets. Find your voice. For heaven sake, please step up to the plate.

- Thursday's post was my call for Marriage equality. I find it very troubling and a matter of injustice that same gendered couples do not have the same benefits and protections under the law that a opposite gender couple has. I am not gay, so it may not be fair of me to offer this commentary, however I am a little disappointed in my gay male friends for not stepping up to the plate in support of Thursday's post. I saw your wonderful pictures of your nice dinners and cocktails that you put up on your pages, all the while straight Christians, straight agnostics, and straight atheists were out here fighting for you. It took two days and a phone call to get a single like from one of my gay male friends. For heaven's sake, please step up to the plate. Find your voice. The world needs you.

- I am honored that my confessions page is frequented by agnostics and atheists (please see my previous post "A Patron Saint For Agnostics" if you have not). I honor you and your path and I thank you for your participation. However, I have this to say, many of my atheist friends are people that have rejected a narrow, fundamentalist, anti-intellectual form of religion and in the process felt the need to reject any notion of "ultimate reality". Human beings are multi-dementional. While you continue to nurture your intellect, I do hope you will remember to nurture your heart. And by the way, thanks for stepping up to the plate to defend your gay brothers and sisters.

- To my conservative evangelical Christian friends, I am so over "proof texting" which seems to be your primary method of discussion. I say this not to brag, but I know the Bible very well. I'm not going to change my position by someone just posting, "Romans 1:24-27". I have total respect for the Bible as a whole. I have no respect for "proof texting" to prove anything. I can use "proof texting" to justify the stoning of children, to justify slavery, to throw all women out of the city that are on their period, to offer our daughters up to angels for the angels' sexual pleasure, and on and on. Most likely I have read through the Bible more times than the number of years most of you have been alive. Referencing sacred scripture is appropriate, but using a proof text to make your full case is not gonna cut it here.

Again, thank you all for participating with this page. I truly am thankful for your support. While we my not agree and we may wear different labels, I do acknowledge you as my sisters and brothers. Because before we were Hindu, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, or Christian; before we were black, brown, or white; before we were gay or straight, male or female; we were human. Peace to you all.

Real Marriage

I've grown quite weary of the religious and the political right's defense of "Traditional Marriage" as a justification of denying marriage equality to same gendered couples. Their view seems to project the idea that there has always been just one real, one rite, one view, one way, one shape, one kind of Marriage for all time and space. Their one incarnation of Marriage is projected into the mind of God to be the only holy and acceptable one. I reject the notion of "Traditional Marriage" because frankly, the idea and shape of Marriage has been in flux since the beginning of the Judaic / Christian story. A simple glance back through our communal story reveals many different versions of Marriage. A one size, one view of "Traditional Marriage" does not exist. It is merely a mirage in the minds of those who need to validate their prejudice, homophobia, and discrimination against same gendered couples.

So, if the right's desire is to insist on "Traditional Marriage", which view is the correct one? What is "Real Marriage"?

- The "original" Marriage rite required a rib from the side of the man to be presented to the women. This makes the exchanging of rings seem quite shallow. I for one am very glad that our view of Marriage has evolved beyond the primordial and original story of Marriage. It's a good thing that surgeons are not required for "Real Marriage".

- For generations, the rite was very simple: you go into a tent together and have sex. Is this a picture of Traditional Marriage? If so, there are a lot of couples in campgrounds, national and state parks, and wilderness areas that are now traditionally married and they don't even know it.

- For generations, Marriage was more like a real-estate transaction. Negotiations between the bride's father and the potential husband would have to be agreed upon before the father would "give" her to the man. Women were considered property - valued more than the cattle but less than real property. We know better, yet I'm blown away that in the 21st century we are still giving away brides in wedding ceremonies.

- For generations polygamy was the norm. For generations the use of concubines was the norm. King Solomon, known as the wisest man of his time and the man who built the holy temple, had 700 wives and 300 concubines. Give me that old time religion? I think not.

- Just a few generations ago, even in American culture, young girls were married at the age of 12 or 13 - and were then sexually active. It is so hypocritical when religious folk insist that a 30 year old, single, professional woman has to be celibate when her Great Grand Mother was sexually active at age 12.

- Divorce and remarriage has become quite acceptable in modern culture. I've always said its way too easy to get married and way too difficult to get a divorce. If the church would require a two year betrothal period (and yes let them live together and have sex, just not have children during that trial period) the divorce rate would drop dramatically. I'm thankful that the larger community is now quite understanding and compassionate about divorce and remarriage, however, this is totally contrary to the traditional idea of "one man and one woman". The biblical record shows Jesus concerned about divorce several times yet Jesus never said a word about homosexuality.

It is obvious that our ideas about Marriage have been very fluid throughout time. It's time for the religion whose primary message is "love" to hush all the "Traditional Marriage" talk and start honoring "love". It's time to let people love who they love. And, if they choose to be married they should have all the rights and privileges that come with that civil contract. And if things don't work out they can give a lot of their money to the divorce lawyer like I have had to.

I Went To The Valdosta's Father Daughter Dance, But I'm Not So Sure The Historical Jesus Would Have Joined Us

I have lived and worked most of my life in Valdosta, Georgia; a town also self-named Winnersville and named Titletown USA by the ESPN television network. Winning sports teams have been our claim to fame for decades. However, recently we have added a new category; we have the largest Father Daughter Dance in the country. This year 5,065 people bought tickets. This event has grown from humble beginnings of 170 to its grand scale in just 17 years. The dance was started and is sponsored by Valdosta's First Presbyterian Church. Let me say, they have done a remarkable job and they deserve credit and our appreciation. This article is in no way to judge their character or their motives. However, and I say this from personal experience, successful projects can and will take on a momentum and life of their own and after a while the project will start to drive the mission rather than the mission drive the project.

I have attended the dance with my daughter Isabella several times. The experience meant a lot to both of us. However, I do have criticisms and concerns of where things have developed over the last several years.

- The use of limos. If someone wants to spend their money to show off at a church sponsored dance by arriving in a limo, I guess that's their right. However, in this economic environment most of us cannot afford that. So, once again, the winners and the successful appear to be the ones arriving in the biggest limos. This seems to me to be propagating the values of a materialistic culture which are quite different from the values and teachings of Jesus. On this year's official dance website there were paid ads (I'm assuming they were not for free) for limousine services. So when the child goes to the website for info, the first thing they see and experience is materialistic peer pressure to get a limo. My unsolicited advice is this: stop the limo ads and make a new norm - no limos.

- Stop the culture of out-dressing one another. Over the years the use of rented tuxes and formal gowns has been on the rise. Ads on the official website even promote this culture. It is not reasonable nor is it practical to purchase an expense formal gown for a growing girl that she will have outgrown by next year. Also, most working families can't afford to throw down a hundred bucks to rent a tux for dad for just one night. Again, this seems to hold up the idea that the winners are the ones with the fanciest clothes. May I suggest a norm of no tuxes or formal gowns? Church attire is more than appropriate and practical.

- The official website and the current culture of the dance has now grown to the place that an expensive restaurant, a florist purchase, and a jewelry purchase is part of the experience. I'm sure the local restaurants, jewelry stores, and florists appreciate the stimulus from the large dance - and it must be lucrative or they would not pay for ads on the official website to promote their product. I'm sorry if I'm cheating my daughter, and I don't believe that I am, but I refuse to spend my annual recreational budget on one night, of what I can responsibly afford, for activities with my daughter. I choose to do things with her all through the year. Hiking in the woods (free), canoeing ($20), backpacking in the mountains ($40), grilling out at home (cost of food), gazing at the stars (free), singing and dancing on the porch (free). I really do not feel that it is healthy for a culture to be in place that sets up the scenario that a good dad is one that rents a tux and buys the daughter a new expensive gown, buys flowers and jewelry, rides in a limo to an expensive restaurant and then to the dance, and purchases professional photos. A good dad is one that is present to, and spends quality time with their daughter on a regular basis enjoying the simple things.

- Lower the ticket price. Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about but I've heard the DJ, seen the decorations, and had the refreshments. I seriously doubt the events cost the $50,000 plus that comes in from ticket sales, not to mention the income from ad sales on the website, and fees from onsite vendors. It seems to me $5.00 would be more than enough to cover the expenses and might make the event open to more people. Or make the event a fundraiser for a charity that supports foster girls or for daughters without dads, or maybe the Girl's Club - an organization that provides support for our daughters on a daily basis.

- Watch your back for government taxing authorities. When our parish opened Hildegard's, a coffee shop and bookstore, it was a huge success. Overnight it jumped to a 7 day a week, morning, noon, and night gathering place. Its income was about $350,000 a year which only covered its expenses due to the fact that we would provide service even to people that could not pay. Hildegard's was magical in those days. News about Hildegard's and its success was covered in numerous newspaper articles and magazine articles locally as well as around the country (just like Valdosta's Father Daughter Dance is being reported about now). Not long after Hildegard's was opened, the local taxing authorities started to drool over the success being reported. We did pay and collect all approximate sales tax and abide by all tax laws for withholding both state and federal taxes, paid all matching taxes, and paid for workman's comp for all employees. We did not however, pay property taxes, due to the fact that the building is owned by the church and churches are exempt from property taxes. I repeat, Hildegard's never made a profit due to the fact that we would serve those who could not pay. Shortly after Hildegard's reported success, we were notified by the County Board of Assessors that they were revoking our tax except status. We did our best to cooperate and voluntarily provided them with financial statements that proved there was no profit and gave them reports showing the number of free meals we provided to the needy. One afternoon, I was in the tax office and an employee invited me into his office. He shut the door behind me and spoke softly. He said, "I will get fired if you tell anyone that I showed this to you". He then reached into a drawer and pulled out a file filled with newspapers and magazine articles about Hildegard's. The clippings looked almost like something an obsessed stalker would gather. He told to me watch my back because he said they are some people after you. The nice man no longer works for the tax office and after he left, his boss moved on as well. It is very interesting however, that the new boss was hired under the condition that he would have the stomach to go after our church with this issue. Several years of meetings and hearings eventually lead us to Superior Court. In court, the Judge did not rule in the County's favor. As if that was not enough, the County then spent a lot of tax payers' money to the County Attorney for him to write an appeal to the State Appellate Court. However, the Appellate Court refused to take the case. This issue is still not fully resolved because the County could still take the church to an expensive jury trial. In the meantime, Hildegard's lost it momentum in the confusion of what it could or could not do, be or not be. Today we find ourselves in the citation of letting Hildegard's die so that she can be reborn and recreated into something new and fresh and hopefully more simple and less commercial. I give this personal story so you can know that I'm speaking from experience; large successful church programs can and will take on a driving momentum. Once that happens, maintaining the large program can become so taxing and complex, maybe even losing sight of its original purpose, and after a while, the program may have very little to do with the simplicity and spirit of Christ's Gospel.

My hat is off to the wonderful people of First Presbyterian. Y'all have done a wonderful job and we thank you for that. I acknowledge that this commentary was unsolicited and may not be well received. Regardless, I do believe it's time to rethink the success of the dance and the culture that has emerged around it. It may be time to rework somethings in order to protect its original vision. The dance was started to honor and value our daughters - that's a great thing. However, the culture of the dance now has evolved to the place that it might possibly be saying to our daughters, in a very subliminal way, that their value is based in a man that can provide them a limo, jewelry, and the like. These ideas are setting our young girls back and, in my humble opinion, that message is contrary to the simplicity and inclusion of the ideals of Jesus. I've been to the dance several times - I did not want to disappoint my daughter. But I'm not so sure the Historical Jesus would have gone with us.

Why I Am Not Comfortable With The "JohnandJane Doe" Syndrome

Over the last thirty years of vocational ministry, I have lost count of the number of marriage ceremonies that I have performed. One particular contemporary tradition that I refuse to include is that of the "Unity Candle". I have never liked the symbolism of taking individual candles and combining them into one. The purpose of a healthy relationship should not be to extinguish your individuality but rather to strengthen your individuality. Two half persons do not make one whole. Two unhealthy individuals do not create a whole healthy couple. Quite the contrary, two unhealthy individuals will most likely create a very unhealthy relationship. And please don't hand me the bit about needing someone to "complete" you.

Recently, I have gotten a number of Friend Requests from personal Facebook pages that apparently are joint couple pages. The pages are typically named with a joint format and the request looks something like, "JohnandJane Doe want to be your friend". Please forgive me, and I hope you will not be angry with me, but I'm very hesitant to accept those kinds of requests. First, I will explain how these requests put me in an awkward position. And secondly, I will explain my thoughts on how they put the couple in an awkward position.


How "JohnandJane Doe" Makes Me Feel

- What if I feel a connection with only one individual of the couple. Now I'm being put into the position of having to accept both individuals or reject both individuals.

- When I see your status updates and posts I have to try to guess which individual the post was actually from.

- There may be times that I will not be comfortable commenting on your post or photos due to the fact that I will not be really sure who I'm commenting to.

- Maybe I'm over sensitive because of my personal situation but from the outside it appears than the couple is trying to rub their "couple hood" in my face just a little bit. It feels like they are saying, "look what the perfect couple we are". My experience is that those that have to make a big deal about things are usually compensating from an insecurity. Example, "those who talk a lot about how smart they are, are usually not".

- If we are going to be friends, I want to know you as an individual not Siamese twins that have been absorbed into some new unknowable, indistinct creature.


If You Are A "JohnandJane Doe" Here's Some Things For You To Think About

- If the reason for your joint page is because of trust issues then there is already bigger issues than Facebook at stake. I would suggest some work on the deeper issues, and while you do you could simply give each other the passwords to you individual pages if you feel the need to be accountable to each other.

- If your partner/spouse does not give you permission to be yourself and to be your own individual then you are not in a healthy position at all. What good is it to have gained that relationship if in the process you lose your Self and your Soul.

- If you feel the need to police and be in control of and aware of your partner/spouse's every move then you have set yourself up to fail and to live with very little joy. There's no way you can fully police a person. And the more you pressure, the more they will resent you and eventually may even be forced to go underground just to hang on to a little sense of Self. It may take a while, but I'm never surprised when the poor policed Soul is finally suffocated to the place that they one day walk away. There is usually no going back at that point.

- Life is short. Whatever you're hanging onto - be it a hurt or disappointment from the past, or some unrealistic fantasy about what partners/couples should be like - let it go; it is not worth it. The pain of the past is causing you to be anxious and fearful of tomorrow and what might be. You are not living in the moment - return to the present moment - let go, forgive, laugh, play, celebrate, dance, have fun - and I bet you will know where your partner/spouse is.


Having a partner/spouse is a gift. I'm very thankful for all of the couples that inspire us and remind us that we are created to live in community. However, we must guard to never let go of ourselves as individuals. And, the answer is no, you can't have a unity candle if I'm going to perform the ceremony. I hope I offended no one. I spoke what I believe to be truth because I love you.

The Sacrament Of Tipping

(The Quality Of Your Happiness Will Never Exceed The Quality Of Your Last Tip)

Previously in my life, I spent a number of years in and around the food service industry. This is what I observed - often, the customers with the most means (money, assets, position) generally are extremely rude, demanding, condescending, and tip very poorly. It was often my task to visit from table to table and in conversation and I would discover that these were very unhappy people. Their conversations were typically negative, dark, and depressing. I've watched servers flip a coin hoping to win a bet and not have to wait on these types of customers.

On the other hand, often I would go out for a bite to eat with a group of servers after they got off work. What I observed is that servers make the very best restaurant customers. They are very honoring to their own server. They are kind and understanding and they tip really really well - usually 40 maybe even 50 percent. And that is coming from someone who is living a very simple life and with very little means. I love to eat out with servers. They are happy, present, and engaged; they laugh and have a good time and amazingly receive very good service.

I am totally convinced that there is a direct connection or interface between a person's happiness and the quality of their tipping practice. In Christian theology, a Sacrament is defined as an outward sign of an inward grace. The tip you leave on the restaurant table is an outward sign of the generosity and the abundance of your interior life. Sacramental understanding also works in the other direction. For example, the church takes simple bread and wine and believes that it becomes for us the very real presence of the Cosmic Christ. In the same way, I believe that a person who might be down, dark, and unhappy could Sacramentally turn around those negative interior attitudes by simply treating their server with kindness and respect and by being an extremely generous tipper. The generous tip becomes an outward sure sign of generosity and abundance in your interior life and makes present to you a life filled with happiness. A Sacrament primes the pump if you will.

Remember the story of the widow's Mite? She gave all she had. You see, it was not the size of her gift - it was the quality of her gift - she gave all she had. I sincerely believe the fruit of her gift was a life of happiness, peace, joy, and laughter; a life lived in and with abundance and generosity. If you happen to find yourself in a dark, down, depressed, unhappy state, if you feel poor or in despair, if you find yourself griping and complaining a lot - you may want to try the Holy Sacrament of Tipping. Jesus said it this way, the greatest in God's Kingdom are the servers (Greek word diakonos, which translates to our word deacon, which means one that waits on or serves tables). Those are the folk I want to go out to dinner with.


Some Thoughts

- If you think you are better than, or more than, or above your server, then you have already screwed the pooch. No need for you to even keep reading this because you have a lot of work to do.

- Treat your server like a person; with dignity and respect - it's a much harder job than you know. Say please and thank you and ask nicely. Be aware that your server is not in control of the kitchen so don't take kitchen issues out on your server.

- Remember that severs are only paid $2.13 per hour by the restaurant. In a non-corporate non-chain restaurant they may not even get that. If you rationalize that the restaurant should adequately pay the wait staff and that it should not be your responsibility then you might should rethink that position. The restaurant business is a very low margin business. Food and beverage cost are much more than you might realize. Your $8.95 sandwich might cost you $20.00 and the quality of your service will go down if we did away with the tipping system.

- If you order drinks during happy hour, I personally feel that one should factor the tip from the normal retail price. The restaurant might be giving you 2 drinks for the price of 1 - however, the server still has to serve the free drink.

- If you share/split an entree with another person, I personally feel the tip should be factored as if you both order an entree. The server still has to do just as much work. And, a seat is being occupied in the server's section that would most likely be filled by a person that would order an entree.

- If you use a discount coupon, the tip should be figured from the retail price.

- If two of you go out to dinner, order water to drink, split a entree or use a coupon, and you leave a tip of $1.35 because your total bill is $9.00 and you think your tip is appropriate because your tipping 15 percent - I am confidant that I can make some safe assumptions about the quality of your happiness and the quality of your interior life.

- If I am with you at a restaurant and you do not tip appropriately, please excuse yourself before me so that I can adjust your tip without having to embarrass you.

- 15 percent is NOT a big tip.