I have lived and worked most of my life in Valdosta, Georgia; a town also self-named Winnersville and named Titletown USA by the ESPN television network. Winning sports teams have been our claim to fame for decades. However, recently we have added a new category; we have the largest Father Daughter Dance in the country. This year 5,065 people bought tickets. This event has grown from humble beginnings of 170 to its grand scale in just 17 years. The dance was started and is sponsored by Valdosta's First Presbyterian Church. Let me say, they have done a remarkable job and they deserve credit and our appreciation. This article is in no way to judge their character or their motives. However, and I say this from personal experience, successful projects can and will take on a momentum and life of their own and after a while the project will start to drive the mission rather than the mission drive the project.
I have attended the dance with my daughter Isabella several times. The experience meant a lot to both of us. However, I do have criticisms and concerns of where things have developed over the last several years.
- The use of limos. If someone wants to spend their money to show off at a church sponsored dance by arriving in a limo, I guess that's their right. However, in this economic environment most of us cannot afford that. So, once again, the winners and the successful appear to be the ones arriving in the biggest limos. This seems to me to be propagating the values of a materialistic culture which are quite different from the values and teachings of Jesus. On this year's official dance website there were paid ads (I'm assuming they were not for free) for limousine services. So when the child goes to the website for info, the first thing they see and experience is materialistic peer pressure to get a limo. My unsolicited advice is this: stop the limo ads and make a new norm - no limos.
- Stop the culture of out-dressing one another. Over the years the use of rented tuxes and formal gowns has been on the rise. Ads on the official website even promote this culture. It is not reasonable nor is it practical to purchase an expense formal gown for a growing girl that she will have outgrown by next year. Also, most working families can't afford to throw down a hundred bucks to rent a tux for dad for just one night. Again, this seems to hold up the idea that the winners are the ones with the fanciest clothes. May I suggest a norm of no tuxes or formal gowns? Church attire is more than appropriate and practical.
- The official website and the current culture of the dance has now grown to the place that an expensive restaurant, a florist purchase, and a jewelry purchase is part of the experience. I'm sure the local restaurants, jewelry stores, and florists appreciate the stimulus from the large dance - and it must be lucrative or they would not pay for ads on the official website to promote their product. I'm sorry if I'm cheating my daughter, and I don't believe that I am, but I refuse to spend my annual recreational budget on one night, of what I can responsibly afford, for activities with my daughter. I choose to do things with her all through the year. Hiking in the woods (free), canoeing ($20), backpacking in the mountains ($40), grilling out at home (cost of food), gazing at the stars (free), singing and dancing on the porch (free). I really do not feel that it is healthy for a culture to be in place that sets up the scenario that a good dad is one that rents a tux and buys the daughter a new expensive gown, buys flowers and jewelry, rides in a limo to an expensive restaurant and then to the dance, and purchases professional photos. A good dad is one that is present to, and spends quality time with their daughter on a regular basis enjoying the simple things.
- Lower the ticket price. Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about but I've heard the DJ, seen the decorations, and had the refreshments. I seriously doubt the events cost the $50,000 plus that comes in from ticket sales, not to mention the income from ad sales on the website, and fees from onsite vendors. It seems to me $5.00 would be more than enough to cover the expenses and might make the event open to more people. Or make the event a fundraiser for a charity that supports foster girls or for daughters without dads, or maybe the Girl's Club - an organization that provides support for our daughters on a daily basis.
- Watch your back for government taxing authorities. When our parish opened Hildegard's, a coffee shop and bookstore, it was a huge success. Overnight it jumped to a 7 day a week, morning, noon, and night gathering place. Its income was about $350,000 a year which only covered its expenses due to the fact that we would provide service even to people that could not pay. Hildegard's was magical in those days. News about Hildegard's and its success was covered in numerous newspaper articles and magazine articles locally as well as around the country (just like Valdosta's Father Daughter Dance is being reported about now). Not long after Hildegard's was opened, the local taxing authorities started to drool over the success being reported. We did pay and collect all approximate sales tax and abide by all tax laws for withholding both state and federal taxes, paid all matching taxes, and paid for workman's comp for all employees. We did not however, pay property taxes, due to the fact that the building is owned by the church and churches are exempt from property taxes. I repeat, Hildegard's never made a profit due to the fact that we would serve those who could not pay. Shortly after Hildegard's reported success, we were notified by the County Board of Assessors that they were revoking our tax except status. We did our best to cooperate and voluntarily provided them with financial statements that proved there was no profit and gave them reports showing the number of free meals we provided to the needy. One afternoon, I was in the tax office and an employee invited me into his office. He shut the door behind me and spoke softly. He said, "I will get fired if you tell anyone that I showed this to you". He then reached into a drawer and pulled out a file filled with newspapers and magazine articles about Hildegard's. The clippings looked almost like something an obsessed stalker would gather. He told to me watch my back because he said they are some people after you. The nice man no longer works for the tax office and after he left, his boss moved on as well. It is very interesting however, that the new boss was hired under the condition that he would have the stomach to go after our church with this issue. Several years of meetings and hearings eventually lead us to Superior Court. In court, the Judge did not rule in the County's favor. As if that was not enough, the County then spent a lot of tax payers' money to the County Attorney for him to write an appeal to the State Appellate Court. However, the Appellate Court refused to take the case. This issue is still not fully resolved because the County could still take the church to an expensive jury trial. In the meantime, Hildegard's lost it momentum in the confusion of what it could or could not do, be or not be. Today we find ourselves in the citation of letting Hildegard's die so that she can be reborn and recreated into something new and fresh and hopefully more simple and less commercial. I give this personal story so you can know that I'm speaking from experience; large successful church programs can and will take on a driving momentum. Once that happens, maintaining the large program can become so taxing and complex, maybe even losing sight of its original purpose, and after a while, the program may have very little to do with the simplicity and spirit of Christ's Gospel.
My hat is off to the wonderful people of First Presbyterian. Y'all have done a wonderful job and we thank you for that. I acknowledge that this commentary was unsolicited and may not be well received. Regardless, I do believe it's time to rethink the success of the dance and the culture that has emerged around it. It may be time to rework somethings in order to protect its original vision. The dance was started to honor and value our daughters - that's a great thing. However, the culture of the dance now has evolved to the place that it might possibly be saying to our daughters, in a very subliminal way, that their value is based in a man that can provide them a limo, jewelry, and the like. These ideas are setting our young girls back and, in my humble opinion, that message is contrary to the simplicity and inclusion of the ideals of Jesus. I've been to the dance several times - I did not want to disappoint my daughter. But I'm not so sure the Historical Jesus would have gone with us.
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