Real Marriage

I've grown quite weary of the religious and the political right's defense of "Traditional Marriage" as a justification of denying marriage equality to same gendered couples. Their view seems to project the idea that there has always been just one real, one rite, one view, one way, one shape, one kind of Marriage for all time and space. Their one incarnation of Marriage is projected into the mind of God to be the only holy and acceptable one. I reject the notion of "Traditional Marriage" because frankly, the idea and shape of Marriage has been in flux since the beginning of the Judaic / Christian story. A simple glance back through our communal story reveals many different versions of Marriage. A one size, one view of "Traditional Marriage" does not exist. It is merely a mirage in the minds of those who need to validate their prejudice, homophobia, and discrimination against same gendered couples.

So, if the right's desire is to insist on "Traditional Marriage", which view is the correct one? What is "Real Marriage"?

- The "original" Marriage rite required a rib from the side of the man to be presented to the women. This makes the exchanging of rings seem quite shallow. I for one am very glad that our view of Marriage has evolved beyond the primordial and original story of Marriage. It's a good thing that surgeons are not required for "Real Marriage".

- For generations, the rite was very simple: you go into a tent together and have sex. Is this a picture of Traditional Marriage? If so, there are a lot of couples in campgrounds, national and state parks, and wilderness areas that are now traditionally married and they don't even know it.

- For generations, Marriage was more like a real-estate transaction. Negotiations between the bride's father and the potential husband would have to be agreed upon before the father would "give" her to the man. Women were considered property - valued more than the cattle but less than real property. We know better, yet I'm blown away that in the 21st century we are still giving away brides in wedding ceremonies.

- For generations polygamy was the norm. For generations the use of concubines was the norm. King Solomon, known as the wisest man of his time and the man who built the holy temple, had 700 wives and 300 concubines. Give me that old time religion? I think not.

- Just a few generations ago, even in American culture, young girls were married at the age of 12 or 13 - and were then sexually active. It is so hypocritical when religious folk insist that a 30 year old, single, professional woman has to be celibate when her Great Grand Mother was sexually active at age 12.

- Divorce and remarriage has become quite acceptable in modern culture. I've always said its way too easy to get married and way too difficult to get a divorce. If the church would require a two year betrothal period (and yes let them live together and have sex, just not have children during that trial period) the divorce rate would drop dramatically. I'm thankful that the larger community is now quite understanding and compassionate about divorce and remarriage, however, this is totally contrary to the traditional idea of "one man and one woman". The biblical record shows Jesus concerned about divorce several times yet Jesus never said a word about homosexuality.

It is obvious that our ideas about Marriage have been very fluid throughout time. It's time for the religion whose primary message is "love" to hush all the "Traditional Marriage" talk and start honoring "love". It's time to let people love who they love. And, if they choose to be married they should have all the rights and privileges that come with that civil contract. And if things don't work out they can give a lot of their money to the divorce lawyer like I have had to.