Previously in my life, I spent a number of years in and around the food service industry. This is what I observed - often, the customers with the most means (money, assets, position) generally are extremely rude, demanding, condescending, and tip very poorly. It was often my task to visit from table to table and in conversation and I would discover that these were very unhappy people. Their conversations were typically negative, dark, and depressing. I've watched servers flip a coin hoping to win a bet and not have to wait on these types of customers.
On the other hand, often I would go out for a bite to eat with a group of servers after they got off work. What I observed is that servers make the very best restaurant customers. They are very honoring to their own server. They are kind and understanding and they tip really really well - usually 40 maybe even 50 percent. And that is coming from someone who is living a very simple life and with very little means. I love to eat out with servers. They are happy, present, and engaged; they laugh and have a good time and amazingly receive very good service.
I am totally convinced that there is a direct connection or interface between a person's happiness and the quality of their tipping practice. In Christian theology, a Sacrament is defined as an outward sign of an inward grace. The tip you leave on the restaurant table is an outward sign of the generosity and the abundance of your interior life. Sacramental understanding also works in the other direction. For example, the church takes simple bread and wine and believes that it becomes for us the very real presence of the Cosmic Christ. In the same way, I believe that a person who might be down, dark, and unhappy could Sacramentally turn around those negative interior attitudes by simply treating their server with kindness and respect and by being an extremely generous tipper. The generous tip becomes an outward sure sign of generosity and abundance in your interior life and makes present to you a life filled with happiness. A Sacrament primes the pump if you will.
Remember the story of the widow's Mite? She gave all she had. You see, it was not the size of her gift - it was the quality of her gift - she gave all she had. I sincerely believe the fruit of her gift was a life of happiness, peace, joy, and laughter; a life lived in and with abundance and generosity. If you happen to find yourself in a dark, down, depressed, unhappy state, if you feel poor or in despair, if you find yourself griping and complaining a lot - you may want to try the Holy Sacrament of Tipping. Jesus said it this way, the greatest in God's Kingdom are the servers (Greek word diakonos, which translates to our word deacon, which means one that waits on or serves tables). Those are the folk I want to go out to dinner with.
Some Thoughts
- If you think you are better than, or more than, or above your server, then you have already screwed the pooch. No need for you to even keep reading this because you have a lot of work to do.
- Treat your server like a person; with dignity and respect - it's a much harder job than you know. Say please and thank you and ask nicely. Be aware that your server is not in control of the kitchen so don't take kitchen issues out on your server.
- Remember that severs are only paid $2.13 per hour by the restaurant. In a non-corporate non-chain restaurant they may not even get that. If you rationalize that the restaurant should adequately pay the wait staff and that it should not be your responsibility then you might should rethink that position. The restaurant business is a very low margin business. Food and beverage cost are much more than you might realize. Your $8.95 sandwich might cost you $20.00 and the quality of your service will go down if we did away with the tipping system.
- If you order drinks during happy hour, I personally feel that one should factor the tip from the normal retail price. The restaurant might be giving you 2 drinks for the price of 1 - however, the server still has to serve the free drink.
- If you share/split an entree with another person, I personally feel the tip should be factored as if you both order an entree. The server still has to do just as much work. And, a seat is being occupied in the server's section that would most likely be filled by a person that would order an entree.
- If you use a discount coupon, the tip should be figured from the retail price.
- If two of you go out to dinner, order water to drink, split a entree or use a coupon, and you leave a tip of $1.35 because your total bill is $9.00 and you think your tip is appropriate because your tipping 15 percent - I am confidant that I can make some safe assumptions about the quality of your happiness and the quality of your interior life.
- If I am with you at a restaurant and you do not tip appropriately, please excuse yourself before me so that I can adjust your tip without having to embarrass you.
- 15 percent is NOT a big tip.
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